She Will Love You More Than I Could
by CollegeCyns
Summary: He was only proof of how she let her family down. She couldn't find it in herself to love him. It was better for him if she left. Eighteen years later, he sees her at a restaurant and leaves her a note. "...P.S. It was good seeing you face to face, mom.


**BPOV**

I had been staying at Jacob's place for a few days when I had made my decision. I wasn't staying. And when I left, I was to leave this all behind me. Since the day I confided in my mom about my mistake and how I felt about everything, she's been telling me the same thing.

"If you don't love them then go and don't look back. Looking back will only cause them more hurt."

She had always wanted me to do what's best for _me._ She wanted all of us to achieve our dreams. My older siblings were well on their way of getting what they wanted out of life and I would be right there with them. But as always I stumbled into a problem. Quite literally actually. I had been drunk at the time. Never again.

We were city people. We had a really huge family, we could check the box next to big Italian family stereotype. We had moved to the small and rainy town of Forks my junior year of High school. Only my older twin brothers Leonardo and Stefan had moved with me and my parents. They still needed to complete their senior year. Rosalie, Mary-Alice, Demetri and Charles Junior had already been living on their own. Alice went to Northwestern in Chicago along with Demetri. She studied and majored in Photography and Demetri majored in Film & Media. Rose had been given a scholarship to Parsons a Fashion school in New York, she had stayed there rooming with her best friend, Victoria, when we moved out west. Char had also stayed in New York with his fiancee Allison, he was a Communications major at NYU.

I was destined to go to Washington State. Though, I didn't want to. I didn't want to move out to a different state with nobody to rely on, at least here my brothers would be close by at Seattle U. I had a high IQ and still to this day I wonder how the hell I actually had that IQ if I had gotten myself into a terrible situation. It showed incredible stupidity.

My mom wanted me to live up to my high IQ by going to a top Ivy League school. We could afford it even without the scholarships that I had earned. I know, i'm stupid for turning them down. My mom was a Psychologist and my dad was a Heart Surgeon, so we lived comfortably.

She said that I was better than Washington State and that I needed a school that could challenge me. I should have listened.

My mother always said I should never settle for anything less than what I deserve. She was a big fan for achieving and succeeding. She would never settle for second best and taught us to be the same as her. Headstrong and determined.

When I arrived in Seattle I knew that I could never settle for it. I didn't want to stay here after college. I wanted my four years and then I'd be gone. Unfortunately that's not what life had in store for me.

I sort of met Jacob at a party my friends had dragged me to. I needed to finish up my essay and didn't have time for parties. But somehow I had found myself gussied up and ready to party a few hours later.

The party's good vibe had got to me and suddenly I was drinking more than I should while giggling at all the frat boys.

I saw this tall guy with cropped dark brown hair and tanned skin standing across the room from me, staring. Right at me. You know how after a lot of alcohol people start to look really good. Yeah, that's what happened. Not that he's bad looking, Jacob's actually easy on the eyes.

But he's not what I would go for. Not my type and especially not the guy I thought I would end up pregnant by.

You know how the stories go: girl goes to party, gets drunk, sees 'hot' guy, makes out with said 'hot' guy which then leads to _ahem_ fornicating, then girl ends up pregnant. The end...I wish.

Getting pregnant was one of the top five things on my What Not To Do list and of course it happened. I couldn't remedy this situation as I would have liked. I wanted the problem to simply, go away. Well, I couldn't make the baby growing inside of my vanish.

My parents were firm believers in "Innocent lives should be spared." Being Catholic and all, abortion was frowned upon. I wouldn't have gone through with it anyway. Just as their parents had drilled their religious beliefs into their brains they had done the same to us.

It wasn't the kid's fault. It was mine and stupid Jacob's. It shouldn't have to suffer the consequences of our actions. So I had to just...deal. Pregnancy was a nightmare. It not only ruined my scheduled education it also made me resent the kid in my stomach.

When I first found out I was pregnant, I cried. Yeah, they weren't happy tears either. They were downright dramatic, FML tears. After having my good cry and letting everything out I tracked down Jacob and told him.

He was over the moon ecstatic. Shouting gleefully over the phone and trying to get out of work so he could come see his, _shudder twitch, _family.

Not long after he showed up did I find out that he actually knew me. He was my father's fishing buddy Billy's son, Jacob. Jacob Emphraim Black was a smotherer. After that day, he never left my side. _Never._

I was about ready to superglue him to the floor to get him to leave me alone. I didn't like him and found him one of the most annoying people in the world. He hovered and he was nosey. Overprotective and jealous up the ass. He never gave me any room to breathe. We weren't even together!

He kept trying to push a relationship with me."Since we're having a baby together and all." No. The answer will always be No.

He kept saying that I would come around sooner or later and that he'd wait for me. Don't hold your breath, dude. Wait, on second thought. Hold it and see what happens.

Demetri's chocolate lab, Jett, was more bearable than Jacob was. And he was a rowdy, untrained, leg-humping puppy. I know for a fact had Jacob been given the chance to hump my leg, he totally would have.

He had announced to his family that we were expecting and he led them to believe that we were together. I put a stop to that lie immediately. They were also ridiculously happy. His father had even started crying. His family was too much. I now knew where Jacob got his lack of personal space boundaries. They were very touchy, I meant that in the way that they always touched my stomach. Even before I was showing! It was random too. I'd be sitting there drinking some water when all of a sudden Rebecca would start rubbing my non-existent belly and stare at me.

_Yeah...that's not weird at all..._

Or I'd have my eyes closed, resting on their couch and Rachel would pop out of nowhere and poke my belly and talk to it. _No, continue. You're not disturbing my sleep or invading my space or anything. Really._

I was being really crazy about the whole situation. This type of behavior was normal. People loved touching pregnant bellies. They loved to hover when babies were around. I knew I was bitter about the whole ordeal and that I should have been thankful for them. But at that time it was just too much.

Jacob was too much, his family was too much. The Blacks' were too _damn_ much_. _

I don't know what it was, I just didn't like them. I wasn't happy with the situation obviously and them always being around wasn't helping. I should have been ecstatic that the family of the father of my baby were happy and friendly and more than supportive. But I wasn't.

I wanted to find myself before settling down. I wanted to find the romance and_ my guy, _the guy that I wanted to spend forever with first before the family. I needed to have a stable relationship and trust. Trust that we would be going through it all together and have eachother for support. I need a relationship based on and rooted from love. I wanted what my parents had. I had dreams of having a big family. My gut told me I wouldn't find that with Jacob no matter how nice he was. We just didn't click and he annoyed me. I couldn't see a forever with him. I saw him eventually leaving to find his for real forever.

My family on the otherhand were less than happy. And that's putting it lightly. They were pissed.

At Jacob.

They blamed him for making me put my life on hold. Dem had been in New York visiting Char and Alli when I had called. They were furious but couldn't do much from where they were so they vented over the phone. Leo and Stef had to be physically restrained from pouncing on Jacob. My brothers were no scrawny shorties. They were beefy (in the "my muscles are bigger than your head" way) and tall.

There was a very menacing-looking vein protruding from my father's forehead as he glowered and yelled and cursed in Italian at Jacob. My mother's eyes killed me though. She looked so sad and disappointed in me that I cried on the spot. My mother was my idol and I had never in my life had seen that look directed at me.

Eventually my family came to terms with my pregnancy and said they would support my decisions 100 percent.

I had passed my first year of college. I was so relieved.

As my due date neared I was forced to stay in Jacob's apartment. I hated it. I hated not being able to do anything. I _had _to be doing something at all times. Which was another thing I didn't like about Jacob and his family. They were unmotivated and believed that whatever happened, happened. They were perfectly happy just sitting around doing nothing.

A few days before I went into labor was when I decided to leave.

I called my brothers and told them of my decision an hour later they had packed up what I actually had over at my apartment. They shipped it to Al and Dem's apartment in Chicago. I called Al and she put Dem, her boyfriend Jasper and his brother Edward to work on my new room. They had to rearrange furniture and paint the walls. My brothers had brought me the transfer papers I needed to sign and settled things with my roomate about my part of the rent. She had found a replacement for me on the lease quick. Her boyfriend had been wanting to move in but hadn't out of respect for me.

All I needed to do now was give birth wait the mandatory three days before being discharged and then I could be on my way. Alice was actually flying out and picking me up at the Hospital's entrance. Since I was nearing my due date she was staying at our parent's house until then.

My water broke early in the morning on June 5th while sitting at Jacob's kitchen table reading a book. I hadn't been able to sleep because the baby had been kicking my insides. Jacob was out cold and I had to plug his nose in order for him to wake up. He jolted awake and jumped out of bed when I told him my water broke. He had dashed to the car while I leaned down to pick up my bag of clothes, toiletries and an outfit for the baby.

We got to the hospital and the rest was a blur. There was a lot of shouting on Jacob's part and a call to his parents demanding they bring cameras because he had forgot his. The nurses had wheeled me to my room and helped me change. Three hours later I was five centimeters dialated and five hours after that I was fully dialated and pushing. Jacob was bouncing gleefully taking pictures with one camera and filming on the other.

Jared William Black was born at 5:41 pm on June 5th. Jacob had been all over the room shouting happily about Jared and as soon as he was clean he had him in my arms and had a picture taken of us. He took him out of my arms and started pacing back and forth rocking him, talking to him.

Jacob had left to tell his parents and only my sweet nurse, Leah, was in the room with Jared and me. She handed the squirming blue bundle and smiled at me. "You're a natural. You're son is too cute. You're husband is pretty easy on the eyes too. " She teased, waggling her eyesbrows at me. I grimaced painfully.

"Thank you. And he's not my husband or boyfriend for that matter. He's just the baby's father."

I looked down at gently poked Jared's nose, he scrunched up his face and made a cooing noise. He had Jacob's light carmel skin color, his round nose, my eye and lip shape and my ears. He was squinting at me and I could see he was born with the newborn grayish-blue eyes.

Leah nodded smiling kindly, understanding. I sighed and looked back down at Jared.

_I'm sorry about this, kid._

Over the next two days I was able to get to know Leah better. She was a really sweet woman. She was maybe four years older than I was.

She wasn't able to have kids, which killed her when she found out. She seemed to be really taken with Jared. On the night before I was scheduled to go home I thought of it. Jared deserved to be loved by a mother-figure. Leah wanted to love a child. I could help both.

"Leah, I need a favor." I continued packing Jared's bag. I had my back facing her but I could hear her cooing at Jared while she checked him one last time.

"Sure. What is it that you need, Hon?" She continued cooing.

"I-I need to promise me something." I fidgeted with my bag's strap.

"Okay, what is it?" She asked, concern seeping into her tone.

"Do you love Jared?" I bit my lip.

"Of course. He's my favorite. He's so cute and warm. And so handsome. Yes, yes you are." I turned to see her nuzzling his cheek.

"Jacob's coming. He'll be here in ten minutes. I'll be leaving before then. By myself." I stated looking at the ground.

"What do you mean 'by myself'?" She stepped closer to me. Cautious.

"I mean exactly that. I can't do this. I can't be a mother. Not yet. But you, Leah. You can do it. You can be what I can't for him." She started shaking her head,

"Leah, please. Just promise me you'll be there for him. Please." I begged with tears in my eyes.

Her eyes were teary as they flashed from me to Jared then back to me. She shook her head again. "You want me to be your son's mother?" She asked incredulously.

I nodded. "Please. I know you, you're a great person. I trust you. I need you to promise me this. You're his only hope, Leah. Please."

She stared at me for a long while, studying my eyes. "I-I promise." I smiled and she tentatively smiled back. I hugged her tightly mindful of Jared.

There was a knock at the door that interuppted our moment. "Knock, knock. Bells, we have to go." Alice walked in beaming.

"Ah! Sissy, look at you!" She lunged at me wrapping her tiny arms around me tightly. She carefully avoided looking at the small, fussy bundle that was now in the bassinet. She smiled a toothy smile at me, genuine joy swimming in her eyes. "I have missed you so much, B! I promise you will love Chicago." She said as she grabbed my bags.

I nodded and wrote the address for Alice's P.O. box in Chicago on a piece of paper and handed it to Leah. I grasped her hand with both of mine and squeezed lightly. "I am so grateful for you, Leah. Thank you. Send the papers here, okay?" She nodded tears brimming her eyes.

"I'll call Jacob and talk to him. I want you there for Jared. This is going to work out, alright?" She nodded again and I hugged her. I walked over to where Jared was laying and cooing in his bassinet staring at the cieling.

"Hey kid. I'm doing this for you, you know. So you can have a happy life. Filled with love. It's not something I can give you right now. Be good for Leah. Don't hate me so much, i'll be thinking of you." I whispered to him and touched his hair. I took off my hospital bracelet and left it on the table on my way out the door.

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

"We came here for your Ma's birthday!" My dad exclaimed with his arms around Renzy and Tony's necks. My nephews were tall for only being fifteen and fourteen. They laughed as my dad did the same to their dads'. Leo and Stef had met their soulmates when they were in college and they decided to stay and settle down in Seattle.

My parent's had moved from Forks, not long after I left for Chicago, to Seattle.

I was walking with my left hand holding my husband's and my right arm carrying my three year old Alexander. Edward was carrying Alex's twin, Alexandria, with his other arm.

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

I had met Edward Anthony Cullen at Northwestern the day I moved in with Alice. He had helped his brother and my brother set up my room a few days previously and was just hanging out at the apartment keeping Demetri entertained.

He was there when I first got home. He had been walking back to the living room from the kitchen and stopped cold when he saw me. A slow smile spread on his lips and soon I found myself smiling back. We had been attached at the hip from that point on. I told him about everything that had led me up to right then.

He didn't judge. He was amazing.

He was funny, charming, witty, sweet and kind. And just perfect. My family loved him, my father approved. His family were like my second family. I loved spending time with his mother and sisters Kate, Tanya and Gia. He had a big Italian family too. He had twin siblings that were younger than him. Giovanni and Gianna. He had two older sisters Katalina and Tanya and two older brothers Emmett and Jasper. Our families were destined to be together. Our parents took trips together and we all spent holidays at the Cullen Mansion having big dinners.

Alice and Jasper had met at school and were sort of, kind of, the reason Edward and I met. They would watch movies with us occasionally in the movie room. Rose met Emmett when she came to the Cullen Mansion for the first time. They had the best time trying to outwit the other and playing Guitar Hero in the game room. Not surprisingly, both sets of twins bonded and had been determined to defeat Rose and Emmett at Guitar Hero.

Demetri, Junior, his newly wedded wife Alli, Tanya and Kate all bonded over being the older siblings. They were often found sitting by the pool out back.

Our parents were so playful and were always drinking in the kitchen eventually migrating into the den. They were like kids at christmas when they were around eachother. Esme always had a new drink recipe to try and Renee was only more than eager to help her try while Charlie and Carlisle were their goofy hamsters.

Edward and me liked to go off by ourselves. We would go to his music room on the third floor and I would play the guitar to a song playing on his iPod and he would jump in with his piano. It was always a magical and fun time at the Cullens.

He became my best friend. Everywhere I went he went and vice versa. I loved being around him. A month into our friendship he asked me out and I accepted. Eight months later he proposed, again I said yes. Very enthusiasically might I add. A few days later we found out we were expecting. We freaked but then we cried. This time they were happy, goddamn overjoyed tears.

Because I knew he was my Forever Boy.

We were married a month before our son was born.

Our Masen Anthony Cullen was born on December 21st weighing 6 lbs. 11oz. with a full head of thick, dark hair and newborn eyes with vibrant green around the edges. He had his daddy's eyes.

He was the best dad and husband in the world. He was so sweet and attentive and he always wanted to carry Masen. We had our own apartment by then. We used a bit of our trust funds' to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads. Life was hard. Edward was a year ahead of me and was in the middle of his senior year. He wanted to be in the FBI either that or a Detective for the NYPD.

We had made the decision that if we did move, it would be after I graduated from college. I still had to complete my junior year. A year and 3 months after Masen, Evan Noah Cullen was born. 5lbs 9oz with curly, light, brown hair. I started writing my book after he was born.

We had tons of help and support from our family. We were the first ones to have kids but Alice and Jasper followed soon after with Carter and Brayden.

Tanya married a man named Nahuel. She met him at one the medical conferences she went with her dad. She and Nahuel had two girls, Christy and Irina. Kate married a sweet guy named Garrett, whom she had her one and only son, Rodrick, with.

Demetri had three girls with his wife Heidi, he had met her when he went to England for a business trip. It was love at first coffee spill. Emma, Jennifer and Gracie were his pride and joy/ future terrors. Junior and Alli had one boy and one girl, Bryan and Hayden. They were very cute twins, they had their own made up language.

Giovanni was painfully shy and had somehow managed to land himself an outgoing, friendly and kind bombshell of a woman. Her name was Ava and she had Julian and Madison. Gio was the cutest of the dads' in the family. After Edward of course.

Gianna had funnily enough found herself a guy named Gianni. He worked occasionally at her favorite pizza shop. He worked there to help out his dad when he was short on staff. His father , Gianni Sr., was the owner of Gianni's Pizza in Brooklyn. They had eloped wanting to escape the time and expense that went into wedding planning and had a honeymoon baby whom they vowed to give it a name that didn't have a G in it. Nicholai, is what they had decided on. Joanna was born two years later.

Rose and Emmett were thrown for a loop when they had triplets. Valeria, Alexa and Adrian. Rose put her foot down. Three was more than enough especially since Emmett was a big kid himself, Rose had her hands full with those four.

Leonardo had met Anna in his British Lit. Class and they had started dating after he helped her get her own gum out of her hair. it took a lot of peanut butter and time but she was so grateful she didn't have to cut it off. They had Lorenzo, Leo's pride and joy. He was a very sporty kid.

Stefan met his wife Lilly at Seaworld. He always wanted to see Shamu and went on a trip by himself. Lily had been the girl narrating while riding Shamu. He had been so mesmerized that he forgot to raise up his plastic sheet and was soaked to the bone when the fake Shamu named Bozen splashed the sidelines. Lily had seen and started giggling uncontrollably when bulky and buff Stefan shrieked out a girl scream. She bought him and Ice cream and one year later they had Antonio. The apple of Stef's eye.

Four years after Evan was born we had Olivia Cassidy Cullen. She weighed 6 lbs, 7 oz. and she was born with strawberry blonde hair.

Most of our kids were now in their teen years. Edward and I kept it going we were the ones with the most kids.

I thought about Jared a lot over the years. Not everyday but every once in a while. One of my kids would do something silly at home or achieve something amazing at school and it would make me think if Jared. It was the best thing to do when I gave him up. I realized a few years later why I couldn't bring myself to love him. I was ashamed of him. I thought of him as a drunken mistake.

He wasn't that to me anymore. He was my child. My first child. My child that was so far from me and didn't even know me and didn't need me. But he was mine. I hoped with my whole heart that he was healthy and happy and loved.

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

"Ah, Mr. and Mrs. Swan! What a pleasure it is to have you back. I see you've brought the entire family today." Said a kind middle-aged man looking around at all of us beaming.

"Not the entire family, Marcus. I'm missing two of my girls and two of my boys and their families." My dad said fondly.

"Good God, man! How many kids did you and the missus have?" The owner, Marcus, exclaimed flabbergasted.

"Seven. I have four boys and three girls. Charles Junior, Demetri, Rosalie, Mary-Alice, and Isabella. You already know my youngest boys, Leonardo and Stefan and their lovely wives Anna and Lilly. You've met my grandsons Lorenzo and Antonio." My father grinned waving in their direction. Marcus smiled warmly at them.

"Yes, I have."

"Oh but Marcus, you haven't met my Bells. She's in town with her family for my birthday." My father smiled and leaned over to squeeze my shoulder affectionately. "Marcus this is my Isabella. Bellsy this is my good friend and owner of the restuarant Marcus Rossi." Marcus looked over at me and his eyes shone with recognition.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Cullen. My daughter adores your books. She is going to freak when she hears this." He spoke kindly and grasped my hand with both of his. I blushed and ducked my head. Edward threw me his lopsided smile and placed his hand on mine giving mine a tight squeeze before reaching for a napkin and cleaning our toddler daughter's cheek.

"It's a pleasure to meet you too, Marcus. Please call me Bella. Before I leave I'll be sure to give you an autograph for your daughter."

"Oh, that would be fantastic! Thank you, Bella. This is your family?" He gestured towards Edward and my kids.

This time I beamed as I nodded. "Yes, this is my husband Edward Cullen," Marcus reached over and shook his hand. "This is our eldest son Masen, he's sixteen. Evan is fourteen, Olivia is ten and Edward's holding Alexandria and my mom's holding Alexander. They're turning three. My twins."

Marcus was rocking on his heels happily as my kids all waved politely. " Such a beautiful family, m'dear!"

"She's my superstar, Marcus." My dad interjected, his voice full of pride. I blushed again and he chuckled. "She's always been humble." He teased and I reached for Alex, rolling my eyes at my dad good-naturedly.

"Mama!" Alex shouted and tried to jump into my arms. "Hey, baby!" I reached for him.

"I'll let you get to your food. We have a new waiter covering for Quil today. His father's been sick so he's staying home to take care of him." Marcus informed us sadly.

"Oh dear, give Quil our love and support next time you see him! I'll arrange for some flower to be sent to his place." My mom bit her lip anxiously as my dad nodded.

Marcus nodded, "That would be very kind of you, Renee. This is your waiter for the day. His name is Jay and he'll be all yours. Call if you need anything!" Marcus grabbed a tall, tan-skinned boy with black cropped hair wearing a white oxford shirt with a name tag that read "Jay" and clapped him on the back. He gave us another wave before walking towards the kitchen.

The boy was staring at me, he looked like he recognized me. Which could possibly be because of my books.

"Oh shit." I whipped my head around at Leo, having heard his murmur. He and Stef were sharing a look and my dad looked as pale as a ghost. I saw my dad shift his eyes away from our waiter. Our waiter looked around at all of us before slightly narrowing his eyes at my brothers. Confused, I looked at my dad again.

"Dad, aren't you going to order first?" My dad turned to look at my mother with wide eyes. I was confused as to why they were acting this way. He finally snapped out of it and nervously stumbled over his order. My brothers and mom followed suit.

"Mom, is it just me or are they acting weirder than normal?" Masen joked resting his forehead on my shoulder as he laughed. I ruffled his hair and laughed. "Hey woman! That's my hair you're messing up."

"You have your father's hair. It's always messed up. Isn't that right, baby? Isn't that right, Alex?" I smirked at Mase before blowing raspberries on Alex's cheek making him giggle.

"Get me whatever you're getting, Babe." I told Edward who had just finished ordering his own. I was playing with Alex, making him laugh. I loved his little laugh. It was infectious.

The boy stared at me a little longer before politely excusing himself and letting us know he would be right back with our orders. I switched Alex for Lexi and played with her.

"Hey Xand!" Edward grinned and tickled Alex.

Liv made faces at Lexi over my shoulder, causing them both to giggle.

"Ma, why couldn't have Sophia been _my_ middle name? It's much better than _Cassidy._" Liv scowled and Edward chuckled.

"Not this again!" Evan, Renzy and Tony huffed at the same time. Liv stuck her tongue out at them. "You guys are so mean. Mom, so why not Sophia?" She inquired turning her attention back to me and poking Lex.

"Because Liv we didn't think of Sophia at that time. Plus Cassidy is a nice name so shut it, kid."

"Sophia's better!" She pouted and crossed her arms.

I rolled my eyes and playfully elbowed her."You can change your name when you're eighteen. Just not to Sophia that's your sister's name." I saw our waiter coming back with a frown on his face. He set down our food and brought a pitcher for our drinks. It was delicious.

Just as I was finishing up I saw that my unused napkin, that was hidden underneath my plate, had writing on it. Tiny writing but it filled the entire thing, front and back. The handwriting was neat and easy to read. My dad had stood up and had paid the bill we were getting ready to leave, I grabbed the napkin and read it.

_It hurts that you don't know my face enough to acknowledge that you were staring at your __son__ for the past hour. _

_No, i'm not talking about your children at the table. I always thought that you were out there waiting for me, looking for me, __missing me__. _

_Dad told me I shouldn't have built this pedestal for you, he said it would hurt when it finally got knocked down. I hate to admit it but he was right. _

_He told me you weren't ready to be a mom, but I always thought you would be back for me when you were ready. Dad showed me the picture of you holding me after I was born. You were beautiful, Mother. I folded it and put it in my wallter. I carry it around everywhere with me. I've kept every piece of news I've seen about you over the years. I keep it in a box at home, under my bed. _

_I own your books. I'm proud when I think that my mother wrote them. _

_As I watched you today with your kids, it made my heart hurt. You would've been a great mom to me, I think. You're really sweet. _

_They're lucky to have you. I want to tell you that I was excited and scared shitless(sorry, excuse my language) when I saw you walk in through those front doors. _

_It hurt when you didn't recognize me, but I think it's better this way._

_I don't know if you care or not , but in case you were wondering I had a really good life. _

_I had dad, who kind of smothered me a little but that's just how he is. _

_I had Leah, who was a great mom. I even have Sierra, my half-sister. _

_She's pretty great too. I was captain (Quarterback) of my football team, the Wolves. I graduated a few months ago. I had to give the speech because I was Valedictorian. _

_Dad told me I had your brains. He said your family are very scholarly. I'm glad I have that from you. Well that and your ears, and eye shape. _

_I'm currently attending Washington State. Dad says you went there. That's where I started he says...I'm running out of space. _

_I'm grateful for everything that I have and I'm hoping this will help me let you go and move on with my life and learn that I can love people though they might not love me back. But you look like a kind woman. _

_So you might love me? I understand why you left me, no hard feelings. But I want know why you left Leah to help raise me. She's great, she's my mom. But I want to know why. Why her? I hope you can get back to me on this. My manager has my email and my cell number. Thank you._

_-Your Son, Jared William Black_

_P.S. It was good seeing you face to face, Mom._

I wiped the tears streaming down my face and sniffled. My family had already moved towards the door but Edward was at my side hugging me to his chest.

"What's wrong, Love? Why are you crying?" I handed him the note and he read it quickly. "Oh my god. He's here?" He sounded awed and his head whipped around, searching for a face neither of us recognized.

"Yeah, but I don't know who." I sniffled, Mase looked concerned as he handed me a tissue he probably got from his grandma's purse. "Don't cry, Ma. I don't like it when you cry." He hugged me and I laughed softly and kissed his forehead. " Go on, I'll be right there."

He hesitated his eyes flashing up to his father before nodding and he walked over to Evan and Liv prompting them to walk out. He reached for Xand and Lex's hands, leading them outside.

"Babe, you said he was half Native- American?" I nodded.

"His name is Jared?"

Again, I nodded.

"Bell, our waiter! His nametag read Jay and he looked Native-American. He was staring at you." Edward stated excitedly.

"Oh my God! How did I miss that?" I ran over to where Marcus was standing behind the counter. He smiled at us.

"Mr. Rossi, do you happen to know our waiter's name?" He looked surprised at the questioning but answered.

"Of course I do! He's my employee. His name is Jared Black. He's a hard-worker, that one." I smiled at the news. "Is he still here?" I had to know if I could still catch him. Marcus shook his head.

" 'fraid not. You just missed him, he left. Has a class."

"Can you by any chance give us his Email address or his cell number?"

Mr. Rossi eyed us speculatively before conceding, fetching his employee records and writing down Jared's email address and cell number.

"Um, when is his next workday and what time does he start?"

"Friday at Six." I nod and put the piece of paper and napkin deep in my peacoat pocket. "Thank you Mr. Rossi. Goodbye." I reached for Edward's hand and we marched out.

I will make this right.

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

**Friday, 5:38pm**

I had written him back. But on another napkin. It felt like it meant more this way.

Edward was waiting for me in the car. He knew that I needed to do this alone. He was so proud.

I had been waiting for him. If he was like me, he was punctual.

I looked down the street, and there he was. His head was down and he had hoodie up and covering his dark blue beanie. He had his hands shoved deep into his jeans. He had a bag over his shoulder. I'm guessing he changed at work. He was bobbing his head. iPod. I hope he had good taste in music. I would never find out but I hoped he had good taste.

I stepped into his path and he jerked back to keep from running into me.

"What the fu-...poop." He made a weird face at his quirky substitute word.

"I'm sorry I didn't see you." I stepped forward and hugged him tightly. I slipped my note into his hoodie pocket. I let him go after a few moments of him hugging me back. I waved and walked to the car and got in the passenger seat. I looked back and saw him staring at me but his gaze kept falling back to the paper in his hand. Edward started the car and look at me for the 'ok' to go. I nodded at him and he drove out of the parking spot.

We looked at eachother one last time before he disappeared from view.

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

**JayPOV**

I couldn't believe it. She actually wrote me back. She hugged me! She apologized. She's gone.

I sighed and focused my attention on the bulky napkin. A brown rosary fell out. I held it in my hand and read the note.

_I hope you can accept my gift. It was a rosary I wore for eleven years. From when I earned it at Catholic Sunday school afer I fnished my two years, when I was eleven until I turned twenty-two and my husband bought me a new one. That rosary is very special to me, I earned i. It made me feel safe. I hop it will give you the same comfort._

_I'm glad you had a good life. It was what I wanted for you. It's why I left you with Jacob. I wasn't ready. I'm so proud to hear about your achievements._

_I knew that you would have a bright future ahead of you. Never give up._

_Leah, was my nurse. She was there when you were born. She was an extremely sweet woman. She confided in me, that she couldn't have kids. Which is why she worked near babies._

_It broke my heart. She deserved a child. Any child would have been lucky to have Leah as a mother. She wanted a child, I had a child, So I gave her mine .I was too young and not in love and foolish. I wouldn't have been good to you. I wouldn't have given you the proper love you deserved. I told Leah to take care of you... Because she will love you more than I could. It was what I had to do. I know that she loves you. I wanted you to be loved exactly how you were meant to be. I can see that she helped raise a fine young man._

_You've lived eighteen years without me. You don't need me. You never did._

_I have to go back home. I won't be far from where you are, if you need to talk. _

_Just ask Marcus._

_You mean more to me than you think._

_Remember Jared, Be Good, Be Great, Be Happy, Be You._

_Follow your heart._

_You'll always make me proud._

_Always._

_Love,_

_-Your Mother, Bella Cullen_

_P.S. Give Leah a hug for me. But say it's from you._

_P.S.S. It was really great seeing you, Jared._

I smiled, dangling the rosary in front of me before putting it over my neck. I tucked it underneath my shirt and patted it. "Thanks, mom." I whispered to no one and quickly wiped a tear from my eye.

I took my phone out and called the first phone number I ever memorized.

"Jare? Aren't you working?"

"Yeah, but I had a...very special person come see me and made me realize something."

"Yeah? And what's that, sweets?"

"I love you, _mom."_

I had never called her that before. It was always Leah. She choked out a gasp. When she spoke again her voice broke.

"I love you too, my boy."

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

I don't know what I've done  
>Or if I like what I've begun<br>But something told me to run  
>And honey you know me it's all or none<p>

There were sounds in my head  
>LIttle voices whispering<br>That I should go and this should end  
>Oh and I found myself listening<p>

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
>All I know is that I should<br>And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
>All I know is that I should<br>'Cos she will love you more than I could  
>She who dares to stand where I stood<p>

See I thought love was black and white  
>That it was wrong or it was right<br>But you ain't leaving without a fight  
>And I think I am just as torn inside<p>

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
>All I know is that I should<br>And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
>All I know is that I should<br>'Cos she will love you more than I could  
>She who dares to stand where I stood<p>

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
>You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all<br>But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
>This is what I have to do<p>

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you  
>All I know is that I should<br>And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
>All I know is that I should<br>'Cos she will love you more than I could  
>She who dares to stand where I stood<br>Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

Where I Stood- Missy Higgins

**X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X **

**A/N: I didn't finish my country project because of this. I hope you liked it. I was listening to Missy Higgins while doing my homework and I was inspired. It's a beautiful song.**

**I started writing this a few days before No Place To Go and I had almost finished when I had the idea of writing NPTG. So now here I am, finishing this up and finally posting it. Now I must go get ready for a party tonight. I have a very busy weekend ahead. Hopefully, something will inspire me to write another story. (: Until then!**

**-Cyn**


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